If only I'd known I was going to trade...
• Monthly PMS for nine months of weeping
• Lacy thongs for cotton tents
• Sex for gas
• Zinfandel for Ovaltine
• Birth control for laxatives
• Going to the gym for getting up to pee
• My waist for a hot-air balloon
• Kickboxing for kick counts
• My innie for an outie — a way-outie
• Sleeping for groaning
• Freedom for the most intense love I've ever known
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